Ad Hoc Beer Marathon
“Hey, Homer, you busy?” – Lenny “Yes.” – Homer Simpson I used to do these with more preparation, but it’s Saturday, I’m sick and tired of being responsible, and my fridge has a lot of beer in it. May...
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“Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, overlooked middle child. Happy birthday to me.” – Lisa Simpson Happy birthday Yeardley Smith!
View ArticleRock Us, Dr. Zaius
“I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z!” – Troy McClure This afternoon, Vulture published an oral history of Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!, featuring interviews with...
View ArticleSimpsons Has Warped My Brain
“Marge, this is Andre.” – Patty Bouvier “Hello.” – Andre “I think you two would make a lovely couple.” – Patty Bouvier “My husband is still alive!” – Marge Simpson “Oh. Thank God. I hope he pulls...
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“Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Babysitting Service. – Receptionist “Hello, this is Mr. . . . Sampson.” – Homer Simpson “Did your wife just call a second ago?” – Receptionist “No, I said Sampson not...
View ArticleZombie Simpsons Gains YouTube Stardom
“Hey, wolfie! Put down that hors d’oeuvre. It’s time for the main course.” – Groundskeeper Willie No sooner do I decide to take a few days away from the internet than a popular YouTuber drops a 30...
View ArticleAlf Clausen Fired
“So that’s it, after twenty years: so long, good luck?” – Kirk van Houten “I don’t recall saying good luck.” – Cracker Factory Manager Last night, Variety broke the news that longtime Simpsons music...
View ArticleWhy Zombie Simpsons Is Unkillable
“Is it my imagination, or is TV getting worse?” – Lisa Simpson “Enh, it’s about the same.” – Homer Simpson NOTE: I’m in the process of shopping an expanded version of “Zombie Simpsons: How the Best...
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“I’m sure he’ll over us a fair reward. . . . And then we’ll make him double it!” – Marge Simpson “Huh?” – Homer, Bart, & Lisa Simpson “Well, why can’t I be greedy once in a while?” – Marge Simpson...
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“Now let’s take a look at a young Charles Bronson’s brief stint replacing Andy Griffith on The Andy Griffith Show.” – Before They Were Famous Host “Where’s Otis? He’s not in his cell.” – Not Don...
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“Forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty. Flag’s up to date, very good, Seymour.” – Superintendent Chalmers Happy birthday David Mirkin!
View ArticleSaturday Morning Cartoons
“Mr. Speaker, if I could call your attention to the retroactive subsidy appropriations override bill, I refer you to page four thousand five hundred and…” – Cable I’ve often said that it’s the little...
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“At last the world is safe, eh, Fallout Boy?” – Lunchlady Doris “What’s for lunch tomorrow?” – Ralph Wiggum “Next.” – Big Shot Hollywood Director Happy birthday, Brad Bird!
View ArticleBonus Quote of the Day
“Hello, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such movies as ‘Cry Yuma!’ and ‘Here Comes the Coast Guard!’ But today I’d like to talk to you about a pleasant tasting candy that actually cleans...
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“Look! He’s headed back to the greyhound racing track where we found him.” – Bart Simpson “Don’t worry. As soon as they find out he doesn’t have any money, they’ll throw him out. Believe me, I know.”...
View ArticleBehind Us Forever: The Serfsons
“I’ll go to the first aid tent and tell them to plug in ye olde stomach pump.” – Lisa Simpson NOTE: Sorry this took all week to post. I was traveling. I should start out by saying that I appreciate...
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“Young lady, cow hearts belong in a butcher’s window, not the classroom. Well, maybe in an older student’s biology classroom. But that’s none of my business. Elementary school is where I wound up and...
View ArticleBehind Us Forever: Springfield Splendor
“She doesn’t look sad. I don’t see any tears in her eyes.” – Homer Simpson “It’s not that kind of sad. I’m sorry, Dad, but you wouldn’t understand.” – Lisa After last week’s little experiment, it’s...
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“Now I’d like to introduce you to Lunchlady Doris who will serve you healthy, nutritious meals.” – Principal Skinner “Yeah, right.” – Lunchlady Doris Doris Grau would’ve been 93 today. Happy birthday.
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“Your son Bart sounds very bad.” – Pepe “Oh, he is. . . . Son, I just want you to know I love you very much.” – Homer Simpson “Shut up!” – Bart Simpson Happy birthday Nancy Cartwright!
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